4 weeks

It has been 4 weeks since my surgeries and I am feeling mostly better... from the procedure that is. I have been to a work bbq for Matt, attended a baby shower, grocery shopped 3 times, watched softball games, started helping in Awana and decorated the house for fall (not including the normal daily things I do at the house). I have done a lot, but at the same time I have rested a lot. I still have my back pain, but I am trying to will it away. I have been trying to lesson my pain pill intake and hoping and praying that my pain will stop. I have been feeling this way for over 2.5 years and I am ready to just feel like a mother and wife instead of a 60 year old.

Today was rough though. I have had lower left abdominal pain all day and it has been bad enough that my heating pad hasn't really helped. I am feeling better at the moment, but I feel it coming back. I have had kidney stones a few times and this is where my pain always is, so I am thinking that maybe it is just that. I know it isn't my uterus, haha. Seeing how I don't have one anymore! ;)

I am just keeping busy like always and keeping my head held high, I know that in time, maybe not in the time that I want, but in sometime I will feel better. Life is good other than that. I have two wonderful sons, an amazing husband who has a job and takes care of us, quite a few friends here that are awesome and a great church family. We have cars and a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and clothes on our backs. We are a Christian family and we know that God is watching over us and that everything happens for a reason.

I just wanted to give anyone who reads this, if anyone, a little update.

God Bless

My surgeries last week

1 week ago today I had surgery. Actually, it was my second surgery in 19hours... At this time exactly a week ago I had just started coming to, or so I thought. 

I had surgery on Monday, August 5th at 12:30-ish. It took 30 minutes and went smoothly. When I came to I asked for Matt imediatly and was telling them that I was in a lot of pain, a 7 on the pain scale. I remember the number well because for the next 17 hours or so I was at a 7 on the pain scale. I had a pain pump in my hand and I was still groggy from the anesteshia. They wondered, as did I, why my pain was so high and wasn't going down... no big concern though. At 5:00 am or so I got my catheter out and shortly after got up for the first time to utilize the bathroom. I was super dizzy and could hardly walk, but that was a little bit expected. They came in and took my CBC and then took it to get the results. I called Matt and the kids him were waking up and getting ready to come to see and bring me real food! Another nurse came back in to check my blood counts again, which was odd, but I didn't think that much of it. I was talking to Matt on the phone again because he was letting me know he was getting ready to leave and they were on the way to see me. My nurse came to see me and asked me if it was my husband I was talking to and if he was coming up and said yes, she told me not to hang up and he needed to get here asap. She said she couldn't see what was going on, but that I was heading to the O.R. soon. 

Apparantly, as I found out a few minutes later, my blood count was 40 a week earlier. An hour earlier, it was 20 and right then it was 18. Which means, along with my dizziness and my pain, that I was bleeding internally. I had my surgery before my husband and kids got there, which was fast because they were only 20 minutes away. This surgery was 3 hours though. I wasn't bleeding from anywhere that my doctor had even touched from what I understand, but it seems that my bad veins were leaking blood, possibly from the fact that they were irritated from the day before. Also, I had been drinking water and juice and eating popsicles, jello, and crackers since I woke up from the first surgery. They had to give me a special mix of anesthesia and that caused me to not remember anything until I was fully awake... which I apparantly answered the phone, talked about my blue urine and had guests (the last part, I do slightly remember). It was a little scary, but we had a lot of people praying for me and I made it safely from the surgeries. 

The power of prayer is amazing and I know that God was watching over me and my family and still is. 

By the way, I had a hysterectomy. I still have my ovaries, but that is about it. I got my uterus, cervix and both tubes removed. It has been a hard adjustment since I am only 27. I definitely have strong emotions about it, even though I chose this surgery. I am still healing and will be for a little while, even though I didn't get cut open. Continued prayers for my family and me for healing and hopefully I will feel better eventually. My back pain is back today, which is upsetting, but maybe it is just for today. God is watching over me and only He knows how it will be. And, one day I will be pain free, I have to just keep praying and keeping my chin up. 

Our oldest son is 8? When did that happen?

I did a post on Levi and now it is time for Bruce. I am going to do his a little differently though, and start from age 2.

I was a single mother who worked full time and had my mom babysit. I started to work at Ryan's buffet when he was 1.5 and we had just moved into our own place after living with my best friend (we moved in next door to her, actually attached to her place). I had to work full-time to take care of both of us and I was the sole care giver and provider. I met my husband when Bruce was 18 months old and every since the first time they met I knew they had a connection. A few short months after we started dating Bruce started calling him daddy. It was all on his own, no prompting from either of us, but it was the first time he truly felt he had a daddy in his life and he felt comfortably and loved. Matt and I put on Bruce's second birthday party together and we spent that whole year that he was 2 dating and getting to all know each other better. For his 3rd birthday, we took him to Chuck-E-Cheese and it was just the 3 of us. A few months later Matt and I got engaged after I was away for the weekend with his mom and sister. He watched Bruce while I was gone and when I got home he said that he wanted to take us out to dinner and I should get ready. While I was getting ready Bruce came into the bathroom with a box and asked me if I would marry his dad! I said yes of course, and then it became official that Matt, Bruce and I were a family! We got married 6 weeks later and of course have been together ever since. Bruce doesn't remember a time that we weren't together, and to be honest, I hardly even remember a time without him in our lives either.

Bruce became a big brother 2 weeks after he turned 4 and we moved that same year as well. 2 weeks before his 5th birthday, Matt deployed to Haiti. A few months after he turned 6, his dad deployed to Iraq and right before he was 7 he came home! He has had a lot of changes and he has been through a lot at 8.5, including surgery at 7 weeks old, an adoption and move at 4, 2 deployments and multiple times away from his dad when he had training and field time. He is the best friend to Levi, the bubba to us all and the kid who started ready at 4 like his momma. He was the first one in his kindergarten class who could tie his shoes, he makes his own lunch and Levi's too and he reads very well among other things.

Without Bruce, nothing would have been the same. Not only have I loved him when he was born, but his dad love more than words too. Our charming oldest son (who is a pain at times now) will forever be OUR first child.

Levi was little once?

February 10, 2009... The day that Levi was born.

 

When I met Matt in 2006 and we started dating, I knew that he was special. I had a feeling that I was going to be with him for a long time and that he was the one. We had a few ups and downs, but with him the relationship was so good for the most part and so interesting and special! For instance, we had our first date on a whim (before our actual scheduled date 2 days later) and it was at 3:00 am at IHOP after talking on the phone for 5 hours. I love that we have such fun stories and memorable ones! Also like when he proposed, by using Bruce to show me the ring and having him ask me if I would marry his dad... it was so sweet and loving and different! After being married for 6 weeks we found out that we were 5.5 weeks pregnant, which was such a blessing and exciting, although it was fast! When we found out we were having a boy we already knew he would be named Levi, because in the Bible Matthew was also known as Levi and we chose his name to be that because then he was named from the Bible and his daddy. When I was 30 weeks pregnant I started getting contraction, real contractions, but my uterus was tilted and luckily it took a lot of contractions to get anything going so there was no pre-term labor scare. We thought I was in labor 3 times within 2 weeks of Levi's actual birth, it never progressed past a few hours though. When it was finally time I started to have contraction 10 minutes apart on Sunday morning at 8 am and I finally went in to the hospital Monday afternoon at 3:00. They noticed the progress wasn't as great as they had hoped so they scheduled for my induction the next day, which was the day before his due date. I was also told that a lot of times when babies are ready to be born and the induction date gets set the baby will come on his own... which was exactly what happened. That night at midnight I was in full blown labor and Matt rushed me to the hospital. I got admitted and 12 hours later Levi was born.

 

He didn't cry. I remember asking why he hadn't cried and then seeing the nurse smack him on the back and finally hearing his cry. It was a wonderful sound and I figured that all was well and couldn't wait to hold our baby boy. After my complication that I had (that I will not write about due to the fact that it is way TMI) I finally got to hold him. It was wonderful and I remember taking that picture above and being excited for Bruce to meet his little brother. Not long after that we noticed that he was blue (as you can kind of see in the picture) and he was having a hard time breathing. The nurse got him breathing well again and gave him back to Matt to hold him while I was doing something, which I am not sure what that was now. We looked over and noticed that Levi was blue again and then they took him to the sick baby nursery. He had what they called in normal people language, slow infant breathing... which they weren't sure the cause, but we weren't allowed to hold him or feed him or do anything but see him from his glass box that they had him in. He had an IV and oxygen in his nose and bandages holding everything down. He looked so tiny, even more so than he was (7lbs 10oz). He was in the hospital for only 6 days thank the Lord, but it was a very scary first few days for all of us. He is as healthy as a horse now, and we are so blessed with this smart and loving little boy who wrestles with his brother, cleans up after himself, writes numbers and letters and words. He loves his brother and is his best friend. He is easily mad, but in a funny way and over the silliest things. He tells people that he is 8 and has the rattiest looking puppy dog animal that he has had for 2.5 years now and takes him everywhere! I am so blessed and grateful that he was sick for only a short time and that he is a healthy and happy little boy now! We all love him so much and I couldn't imagine him any other way!

 

I wanted to write about Levi separately from Bruce for once because they always get paired together and compared all of the time. I will write about Bruce tomorrow hopefully!

P.S. I love both of our kids and my husband very much and I am very blessed by God and thankful too!

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe... maybe not, time will tell

I have always enjoyed taking pictures. I started taking pictures when I was in 5th grade, which was the same year I started writing poetry. Looking back I laugh because my poems were about chocolate, candy and school supplies. I was in 5th grade though, so I am glad they were about those things that seem appropriate for that age. My pictures however have pretty much stayed the same. I have always liked to take pictures of people who aren't looking at the camera, it helps get a sense of what they are really doing and not a forced smile that must be held. I take pictures with smiles and poses too, but most of the time I yell, "look here" and then snap the picture quickly! I am not a professional by any means and I have a lot to learn, but I did take classes and go to photography camps growing up, which included making my own soapbox camera that worked and developing my own pictures! I think sometimes that I should take college classes and develop my skills better so that I can take pictures as a profession, but we will see... maybe my "skills" are only in my head. Here are some of the pictures that I have taken and I really like the best.

 

The first time we went to the beach as a family and the first time I saw the Ocean myself.

 

We went to Fort Macon and I took this picture from afar.

 

Bruce's first day of kindergarten back when he was 5, which seems like a long time ago since he will be starting 3rd grade soon.

 

Levi was eating a cookie I believe, and he was making a silly face. I just love this picture because this is truly Levi!

 

Right before Matt deployed in 2011 we went to the Smoky Mountains.

 

I love the rain and being from Missouri I really miss the thunderstorms and rain showers that were a likely constant at times. I am surprised I got this photo here 3 years ago.

 

The boys were playing football and Levi was mid-tackle when I got this picture!

 

On a hike in the mountains I saw these flowers.

 

When Matt was in Iraq his parents came and took the boys and me to Myrtle Beach, this was our first night on the beach and Levi's first time remembering seeing the beach.

 

The sky from Myrtle Beach, so pretty and pink and blue!

 

Early birds get to enjoy their kids without grumpiness!

Early bird catches the worm... I don't know about all of that, but I do know that when I get up earlier I feel much better about my whole day. My husband leaves for work early and I wake up when he does. Some days I stay in bed and sleep a little bit longer until my little early birdies wake up! I usually try to get up and start my day when he does. I like the quiet time and it gives me time to wake up and not be a grouch when the kids wake up raring to go, or on days like today when one of the boys is cranky! This morning I have cleared up the office from when Matt's parents were here... finally! I also moved and relocated my craft things and moved the microwave. I took time to sit and relax and have time to just sit, which is something that I should do, but I rarely do for enough time. Matt has been on block leave, which was 2 weeks off! It was so incredible, but it also let me slack on the spotless cleaning I like to do. It was good to only do the cleaning and chores that needed to be done, but it is time to get back into the groove of things. The boys are going to continue to do their fun learning, which includes multiplication, fractions and writing for Bruce and spelling, writing numbers and adding for Levi. It amazes me how smart the kids are and how quickly they pick up things. They make me so proud to be their mom! They have gotten better about doing chores and they want to learn and read and play. I can't beleive that Bruce is 8 and Levi is 4 and they are both almost half way to being 9 and 5. 3rd grade and pre-K are approaching and they are getting older and growing everyday. I am babbling, but sometimes thoughts just spew out of my head at random moments. What started out as talking about getting up early and how good it makes me feel to do that turned into being proud of my boys and blessed to be their momma.

It has been a long time and my pain is still lingering around...

It has been quite a hiatus from the blog world, but I keep getting a feeling/urge to start it up again. Here I go! A lot has happened since October, but I don't want to type every single thing out from the last 9 months because that would take just as long! To summarize; We passed Thanksgiving, Christmas, 2012 is over, we had a road trip to MO/AR and we all 4 had birthdays. Also, we have been married for 5 years now and we moved off-post! There is so much more, but if you know us then you already know! For 2 years I have had chronic back pain. It started when Matt was in Iraq and before the back pain it was front pelvic pain. From December 20, 2011 until July 16, 2012 I had 3 surgeries. Each one was supposed to help me and make me feel better, each one failed at that and really did nothing except give me 4 scars I wouldn't have had otherwise. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday and I am pretty positive that I have another issue that is wrong with me that may tie in to my pain that I have. I am just praying that they listen to me and help me again, which I am not too worried about because they have done a pretty good job in the past 3 years of going to them. I do believe however that I will be having another surgery if they decide that what I think is wrong is what is actually wrong (since I am not a doctor or medical professional at all). Every day I wake up in pain and it varies exactly where and which type, meaning that sometimes it is dull and nagging and sometimes it is sharp and sudden. I also have nausea and no appetite. I know that at age 27 I should be feeling great and should be able to have a lot of energy and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but instead I feel like I am 70 years old with arthritis and a hunchback. No, I am not really a hunchback, but sometimes I feel like I am with how bad my back can feel. Another thing that is different about my ongoing pain that isn't typical is that it isn't the bones or anything that I did physically, but it is something with my veins and/or nerves. I struggle with daily things like dishes and laundry and everyday cleaning. Struggling going to the grocery store and shopping are also something that I deal with, but I try to do it with a smile and with my head held high. There is no reason to have a sour attitude and be a grump all of the time just because I feel pain. I still have 2 amazing boys to smile about. I also still have God watching over me and His will to fulfill. There is a roof over my head, clothes on my body, food in my mouth and transportation to do my mother and wife duties. I have family and friends that love and support me and an amazing husband that I have been blessed with. I do struggle at times with the pain that I have and how to deal with it, but knowing that I have many other blessings bestowed upon me and that one day I will be pain free again. I wanted to get my feelings about my pain out. I do have days that I cry and think "will I ever feel better" or "why is this extreme pain happening to me" and then I reel in back in and think that it could be worse and I deal with this for a reason even if it is unknown to me. I need to update and write more, I have always had a passion for writing and picture taking and want to get back into doing both... I guess I will see if I make time for it (I know I have downtime here and there)!