It has been a long time and my pain is still lingering around...

It has been quite a hiatus from the blog world, but I keep getting a feeling/urge to start it up again. Here I go! A lot has happened since October, but I don't want to type every single thing out from the last 9 months because that would take just as long! To summarize; We passed Thanksgiving, Christmas, 2012 is over, we had a road trip to MO/AR and we all 4 had birthdays. Also, we have been married for 5 years now and we moved off-post! There is so much more, but if you know us then you already know! For 2 years I have had chronic back pain. It started when Matt was in Iraq and before the back pain it was front pelvic pain. From December 20, 2011 until July 16, 2012 I had 3 surgeries. Each one was supposed to help me and make me feel better, each one failed at that and really did nothing except give me 4 scars I wouldn't have had otherwise. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday and I am pretty positive that I have another issue that is wrong with me that may tie in to my pain that I have. I am just praying that they listen to me and help me again, which I am not too worried about because they have done a pretty good job in the past 3 years of going to them. I do believe however that I will be having another surgery if they decide that what I think is wrong is what is actually wrong (since I am not a doctor or medical professional at all). Every day I wake up in pain and it varies exactly where and which type, meaning that sometimes it is dull and nagging and sometimes it is sharp and sudden. I also have nausea and no appetite. I know that at age 27 I should be feeling great and should be able to have a lot of energy and do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but instead I feel like I am 70 years old with arthritis and a hunchback. No, I am not really a hunchback, but sometimes I feel like I am with how bad my back can feel. Another thing that is different about my ongoing pain that isn't typical is that it isn't the bones or anything that I did physically, but it is something with my veins and/or nerves. I struggle with daily things like dishes and laundry and everyday cleaning. Struggling going to the grocery store and shopping are also something that I deal with, but I try to do it with a smile and with my head held high. There is no reason to have a sour attitude and be a grump all of the time just because I feel pain. I still have 2 amazing boys to smile about. I also still have God watching over me and His will to fulfill. There is a roof over my head, clothes on my body, food in my mouth and transportation to do my mother and wife duties. I have family and friends that love and support me and an amazing husband that I have been blessed with. I do struggle at times with the pain that I have and how to deal with it, but knowing that I have many other blessings bestowed upon me and that one day I will be pain free again. I wanted to get my feelings about my pain out. I do have days that I cry and think "will I ever feel better" or "why is this extreme pain happening to me" and then I reel in back in and think that it could be worse and I deal with this for a reason even if it is unknown to me. I need to update and write more, I have always had a passion for writing and picture taking and want to get back into doing both... I guess I will see if I make time for it (I know I have downtime here and there)!