Oh pollen, why do you taunt me so?

Allergy season has struck again for me (and many others)! The pollen was in full force this morning as I hopped into my car and saw the haze of "yellow sneeze dust" as I call it. The pollen has been in the air for some days before, but this was the first attack that I have personally seen this year. Matt got home from work and decided to mow the front yard. And me, being the good wife that I am , I sat outside and swept the sidewalk and watched him. Well, it wasn't 15 minutes after when we entered the house that my eyes were swollen and watery and my nose was dripping/stuffy at the same time. I had sneeze after sneeze after sneeze come on. I started a full blown allergy attack, which wasn't in my plans for the weekend. I was worried, and I still am a little, because 2 years ago I had a bad allergic reaction to pollen. I know, I know, no human likes to breathe in pollen and it makes us all sneeze and such, but I looked like Hitch (if you have seen that movie). Matt took pictures... really he did and I think I smacked him for them.

I had asthma growing up so I thought that I was having an asthma attack when it first started. I couldn't breathe (from my lungs, not my nose) very well and I was having tight chest pains, which is how it always started when I was having an asthma attack. I had an emergency inhaler from a bad cold I had and I used that. I slowly started to breathe again. Although I did breathe again I was starting to itch all over. I went into our bathroom and looked in the mirror, I was red everywhere, which was a rash. I told Matt we needed to go to the ER quickly and we did, much to his chagrin.

We got there and they asked me what the problem was, which I am sure was just because of formality since we all knew by looking at me what was wrong. At this time it was just itchiness and a rash. They told me if it started to get worse before they called me to come back up and tell them. 30 minutes later I stood up by the front desk and I think that I probably scared them because they came right around and got an IV in my arm. My face was swollen; my eyes, my nose, my lips and my cheeks were ballooned and actually a little numb. They did test on me and the only conclusion was that it was pollen, oh yeah, and that the inhaler saved my life because that pain I was feeling was me starting to go into shock from the allergic reaction. Scary. Thing. To Hear. They didn't let me get an epi pen though, they said I needed to experience that little joy twice before I could "earn" one!
So, as my long story showed, I am nervous for pollen season because I literally don't want to die because of pollen. Don't get me wrong, I know that God is in charge and when it is my time I am ready to go, even if it was because of pollen. Seriously though, I can't even breath this time of the year without an allergic reaction to it.

I love to look at the trees, I love honey, I love flowers, I don't mind bees, but I don't care for pollen!

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Maybe I should embrace pollen like I do other things that are exactly likable. I will have to remember this verse when I am hating on pollen and wishing I was back in Missouri where I did sneeze, but nothing compared to the NC haze (which I will have to wait until it gets worse and post a picture).

Stay at home mom when the kids are fully grown?

I have been a stay at home mom since 2008. The summer after we got married and found out that we were pregnant with Levi is when we both decided that I would quit my job and be a stay at home mom. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was one that has worked out. I do miss working at times, but I don't think that I would have traded this time for anything.

This coming fall Levi will be starting kindergarten and Bruce will be in the fourth grade. I always said that once both of the boys were in school I would go back to work. Matt has always said that I should stay at home even after they are both in school so I could be around to volunteer and help out and always be here if they need me. Pretty soon I will have some choices to make... or maybe not.

I have different things I could do. I could continue to stay home and just sit around (yeah right, if you know me you know I couldn't do that for more than 2 hours). I could finally start taking some online classes and continue to volunteer and keep the house clean and maybe become more ambitious in my cooking. I could get a job and just figure out what to do if the boys have the day off of school. I could do so many things and as of right now I am not sure what I am going to do.

I have always had a knack for some things and it has always been difficult for me to choose one! I love to take pictures and I have done that since fifth grade, but I do it more for fun than anything. I have always enjoyed writing and have published a few poems, but where do I start? I also always said that I would never want to teach, but I have been feeling more and more compelled to do that lately. So many choices. I am in no hurry to rush any decisions though, which makes me sound like I don't care maybe, but I do care and I want to take my time.

The Bible verse that I am thinking about today really helps me when I am not sure what to do or where to go.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Children are a blessing, even when they don't seem to be!

There are certain times in our children's lives that have specific names. Infant, toddler, terrible two's, pre-teen/tween, teenager, etc... They all mean something and most of us know what that is. When I hear infant I think of a new baby, one who eats and sleeps and needs a new diaper change very often! When I hear terrible two's I think to myself to just wait until the 3's hit (a little joke... maybe)! However, for me at least, there are other stages that no one tells us about. Then again, maybe it is just my oldest son who is going through this right now and he is the first and only, but I doubt that.

I remember that when I was a teenage girl I had an attitude for no reason sometime and I also remember getting irritated at just about everyone older than me. Big difference between Bruce and me is that he is a boy and he is only 9! Oh yeah, and he also only has an attitude with me. It is always hard as a parent at different times and for different reasons.

Just this morning I woke Bruce up and he slowly crawled out of bed and down his bunk stairs and then he finally made his way into the kitchen and sat down at the bar. I looked at him and asked him what he thought he was doing and his reply was, "I think you should just get me my breakfast". That sounds pretty tame I know, but it was his tone and the added knowledge that he wanted to start making his own lunch and breakfast a few months ago. I let him because he needs more responsibility. And by getting breakfast he means a bowl of cereal, it isn't like I am making him cook eggs and bacon! He will decide to get up and stomp around and grunt and make as much noise as possible before he eats.

That was just a little glimpse into what our morning today was like. Then I get to really enjoy his new found attitude when he gets home from school. He will tell me that writing his spelling words in alphabetical order is too hard and that studying for awana takes too long. He will tell me he got blue today for behavior (green is the better one) because the other kids were talking and the teacher decided to just get onto Bruce even though he was the innocent one who did nothing wrong. I will tell Bruce that he needs to help me put away his clothes and he will let me know that is too hard to do and then cry and whine like that will make me change my mind.

It could be worse and I know that the big picture is that he really is a good kid that minds everyone else and is so nice and polite (as everyone always tells me, which I appreciate it because I know that he is at least well behaved for others). Every age and stage is different for everyone else and I know that this too shall pass, but it doesn't mean that it is always easy!

A Bible verse that I try to remember everyday: John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

4 weeks

It has been 4 weeks since my surgeries and I am feeling mostly better... from the procedure that is. I have been to a work bbq for Matt, attended a baby shower, grocery shopped 3 times, watched softball games, started helping in Awana and decorated the house for fall (not including the normal daily things I do at the house). I have done a lot, but at the same time I have rested a lot. I still have my back pain, but I am trying to will it away. I have been trying to lesson my pain pill intake and hoping and praying that my pain will stop. I have been feeling this way for over 2.5 years and I am ready to just feel like a mother and wife instead of a 60 year old.

Today was rough though. I have had lower left abdominal pain all day and it has been bad enough that my heating pad hasn't really helped. I am feeling better at the moment, but I feel it coming back. I have had kidney stones a few times and this is where my pain always is, so I am thinking that maybe it is just that. I know it isn't my uterus, haha. Seeing how I don't have one anymore! ;)

I am just keeping busy like always and keeping my head held high, I know that in time, maybe not in the time that I want, but in sometime I will feel better. Life is good other than that. I have two wonderful sons, an amazing husband who has a job and takes care of us, quite a few friends here that are awesome and a great church family. We have cars and a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and clothes on our backs. We are a Christian family and we know that God is watching over us and that everything happens for a reason.

I just wanted to give anyone who reads this, if anyone, a little update.

God Bless

My surgeries last week

1 week ago today I had surgery. Actually, it was my second surgery in 19hours... At this time exactly a week ago I had just started coming to, or so I thought. 

I had surgery on Monday, August 5th at 12:30-ish. It took 30 minutes and went smoothly. When I came to I asked for Matt imediatly and was telling them that I was in a lot of pain, a 7 on the pain scale. I remember the number well because for the next 17 hours or so I was at a 7 on the pain scale. I had a pain pump in my hand and I was still groggy from the anesteshia. They wondered, as did I, why my pain was so high and wasn't going down... no big concern though. At 5:00 am or so I got my catheter out and shortly after got up for the first time to utilize the bathroom. I was super dizzy and could hardly walk, but that was a little bit expected. They came in and took my CBC and then took it to get the results. I called Matt and the kids him were waking up and getting ready to come to see and bring me real food! Another nurse came back in to check my blood counts again, which was odd, but I didn't think that much of it. I was talking to Matt on the phone again because he was letting me know he was getting ready to leave and they were on the way to see me. My nurse came to see me and asked me if it was my husband I was talking to and if he was coming up and said yes, she told me not to hang up and he needed to get here asap. She said she couldn't see what was going on, but that I was heading to the O.R. soon. 

Apparantly, as I found out a few minutes later, my blood count was 40 a week earlier. An hour earlier, it was 20 and right then it was 18. Which means, along with my dizziness and my pain, that I was bleeding internally. I had my surgery before my husband and kids got there, which was fast because they were only 20 minutes away. This surgery was 3 hours though. I wasn't bleeding from anywhere that my doctor had even touched from what I understand, but it seems that my bad veins were leaking blood, possibly from the fact that they were irritated from the day before. Also, I had been drinking water and juice and eating popsicles, jello, and crackers since I woke up from the first surgery. They had to give me a special mix of anesthesia and that caused me to not remember anything until I was fully awake... which I apparantly answered the phone, talked about my blue urine and had guests (the last part, I do slightly remember). It was a little scary, but we had a lot of people praying for me and I made it safely from the surgeries. 

The power of prayer is amazing and I know that God was watching over me and my family and still is. 

By the way, I had a hysterectomy. I still have my ovaries, but that is about it. I got my uterus, cervix and both tubes removed. It has been a hard adjustment since I am only 27. I definitely have strong emotions about it, even though I chose this surgery. I am still healing and will be for a little while, even though I didn't get cut open. Continued prayers for my family and me for healing and hopefully I will feel better eventually. My back pain is back today, which is upsetting, but maybe it is just for today. God is watching over me and only He knows how it will be. And, one day I will be pain free, I have to just keep praying and keeping my chin up. 

Our oldest son is 8? When did that happen?

I did a post on Levi and now it is time for Bruce. I am going to do his a little differently though, and start from age 2.

I was a single mother who worked full time and had my mom babysit. I started to work at Ryan's buffet when he was 1.5 and we had just moved into our own place after living with my best friend (we moved in next door to her, actually attached to her place). I had to work full-time to take care of both of us and I was the sole care giver and provider. I met my husband when Bruce was 18 months old and every since the first time they met I knew they had a connection. A few short months after we started dating Bruce started calling him daddy. It was all on his own, no prompting from either of us, but it was the first time he truly felt he had a daddy in his life and he felt comfortably and loved. Matt and I put on Bruce's second birthday party together and we spent that whole year that he was 2 dating and getting to all know each other better. For his 3rd birthday, we took him to Chuck-E-Cheese and it was just the 3 of us. A few months later Matt and I got engaged after I was away for the weekend with his mom and sister. He watched Bruce while I was gone and when I got home he said that he wanted to take us out to dinner and I should get ready. While I was getting ready Bruce came into the bathroom with a box and asked me if I would marry his dad! I said yes of course, and then it became official that Matt, Bruce and I were a family! We got married 6 weeks later and of course have been together ever since. Bruce doesn't remember a time that we weren't together, and to be honest, I hardly even remember a time without him in our lives either.

Bruce became a big brother 2 weeks after he turned 4 and we moved that same year as well. 2 weeks before his 5th birthday, Matt deployed to Haiti. A few months after he turned 6, his dad deployed to Iraq and right before he was 7 he came home! He has had a lot of changes and he has been through a lot at 8.5, including surgery at 7 weeks old, an adoption and move at 4, 2 deployments and multiple times away from his dad when he had training and field time. He is the best friend to Levi, the bubba to us all and the kid who started ready at 4 like his momma. He was the first one in his kindergarten class who could tie his shoes, he makes his own lunch and Levi's too and he reads very well among other things.

Without Bruce, nothing would have been the same. Not only have I loved him when he was born, but his dad love more than words too. Our charming oldest son (who is a pain at times now) will forever be OUR first child.

Levi was little once?

February 10, 2009... The day that Levi was born.

 

When I met Matt in 2006 and we started dating, I knew that he was special. I had a feeling that I was going to be with him for a long time and that he was the one. We had a few ups and downs, but with him the relationship was so good for the most part and so interesting and special! For instance, we had our first date on a whim (before our actual scheduled date 2 days later) and it was at 3:00 am at IHOP after talking on the phone for 5 hours. I love that we have such fun stories and memorable ones! Also like when he proposed, by using Bruce to show me the ring and having him ask me if I would marry his dad... it was so sweet and loving and different! After being married for 6 weeks we found out that we were 5.5 weeks pregnant, which was such a blessing and exciting, although it was fast! When we found out we were having a boy we already knew he would be named Levi, because in the Bible Matthew was also known as Levi and we chose his name to be that because then he was named from the Bible and his daddy. When I was 30 weeks pregnant I started getting contraction, real contractions, but my uterus was tilted and luckily it took a lot of contractions to get anything going so there was no pre-term labor scare. We thought I was in labor 3 times within 2 weeks of Levi's actual birth, it never progressed past a few hours though. When it was finally time I started to have contraction 10 minutes apart on Sunday morning at 8 am and I finally went in to the hospital Monday afternoon at 3:00. They noticed the progress wasn't as great as they had hoped so they scheduled for my induction the next day, which was the day before his due date. I was also told that a lot of times when babies are ready to be born and the induction date gets set the baby will come on his own... which was exactly what happened. That night at midnight I was in full blown labor and Matt rushed me to the hospital. I got admitted and 12 hours later Levi was born.

 

He didn't cry. I remember asking why he hadn't cried and then seeing the nurse smack him on the back and finally hearing his cry. It was a wonderful sound and I figured that all was well and couldn't wait to hold our baby boy. After my complication that I had (that I will not write about due to the fact that it is way TMI) I finally got to hold him. It was wonderful and I remember taking that picture above and being excited for Bruce to meet his little brother. Not long after that we noticed that he was blue (as you can kind of see in the picture) and he was having a hard time breathing. The nurse got him breathing well again and gave him back to Matt to hold him while I was doing something, which I am not sure what that was now. We looked over and noticed that Levi was blue again and then they took him to the sick baby nursery. He had what they called in normal people language, slow infant breathing... which they weren't sure the cause, but we weren't allowed to hold him or feed him or do anything but see him from his glass box that they had him in. He had an IV and oxygen in his nose and bandages holding everything down. He looked so tiny, even more so than he was (7lbs 10oz). He was in the hospital for only 6 days thank the Lord, but it was a very scary first few days for all of us. He is as healthy as a horse now, and we are so blessed with this smart and loving little boy who wrestles with his brother, cleans up after himself, writes numbers and letters and words. He loves his brother and is his best friend. He is easily mad, but in a funny way and over the silliest things. He tells people that he is 8 and has the rattiest looking puppy dog animal that he has had for 2.5 years now and takes him everywhere! I am so blessed and grateful that he was sick for only a short time and that he is a healthy and happy little boy now! We all love him so much and I couldn't imagine him any other way!

 

I wanted to write about Levi separately from Bruce for once because they always get paired together and compared all of the time. I will write about Bruce tomorrow hopefully!

P.S. I love both of our kids and my husband very much and I am very blessed by God and thankful too!